Rose Among the Thorns
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: A new Wayne Industries mining facility in Brazil threatens a rare flower, so naturally Poison Ivy is keen to protect it. She asks both Harley Quinn and Two-Face to join her, who refuse, forcing Ivy to go alone. When she goes missing, both Two-Face and Harley (and a reluctant Joker) have to head into the wild to rescue her.
1. Chapter 1

**Rose Among the Thorns**

"And in other news, Wayne Industries has just opened up a new mining operation in Brazil, which has led to the employment of over 50,000 native workers. This is just the latest in CEO Bruce Wayne's recent campaign to provide opportunities for the less fortunate, both in Gotham City and around the world, in what he hopes will result in, in his own words, 'a better tomorrow.' The mine will be extracting precious metals from the nearby _Montanha de Flores_ , a huge mountain range inhabited by over a hundred varieties of flora and fauna. When asked about the impact of mining on such a fragile ecosystem, Mr. Wayne had this to say."

The news program cut to footage of Bruce Wayne standing in front of a podium. "Caring for the environment and leaving the world a greener place for our children is one of the top priorities of Wayne Industries. You have my personal guarantee that my company is going to be complying with every government regulation against deforestation and climate change to the letter. We are minimizing as much as possible our environmental effect on this beautiful country, while also providing a means of future sustainability for its inhabitants. We are concerned with both the natural and human environments, and firmly believe that they can exist, and can continue to coexist, peacefully."

"Yeah, right," snapped Poison Ivy, flicking off the television suddenly. "Humans are too greedy for that, and there are too many of them. And who pays for humanity's overpopulation? Nature does. But the earth will outlast humanity – she'll be here long after the pitiful human race has driven itself to its own extinction. But not before it's done irreparable damage by using up Mother Nature's precious and limited resources for its own selfish ends."

A plant curled lovingly around her arm, and she petted it soothingly. " _Montanha de Flores_ ," she repeated, frowning. "I know that name. Home to some of the rarest flowers to ever bloom, including…"

She trailed off, standing up and heading over to a bookshelf. She took out a heavy volume and flipped a few pages, stopping at last at the one she wanted. " _Flor da Estrela_ ," she murmured. "The Star Flower. Its conditions are very unique – it only grows in the darkest depths of the mountain, and only blooms once every hundred years. Its petals have a luminescence of their own that makes it glow golden in the dark. I would love to see it," she sighed.

Her eyes fell upon the dates of its last blooming, and lit up. "It'll bloom this year," she whispered. "In a matter of weeks…"

She turned to the plant. "Baby, I think I need to book a flight to Brazil. I can put a stop to Wayne's environmental destruction by destroying his mining facility, and see the Star Flower bloom as well."

She flicked the TV back on, which was now showing footage of the mining facility. "Hmm, a lotta guards," murmured Ivy. "Nothing I can't handle on my own, of course, but it's always nice to have company when traveling."

She reached for her phone and dialed a number. "Hello?"

"Hi, Harley, it's me," said Ivy.

"Oh, hi, Red!" exclaimed Harley Quinn. "What's up?"

"I said 'pull,' Harley! Do your job and get off the goddamn phone!" shouted a familiar, unpleasant voice.

"Hang on a sec, Red," said Harley, putting down the telephone. She reached for a ceramic Batman figure by her side, throwing it high up into the air. A bullet from the Joker's gun shattered it. "Way to go, Mr. J, that's five for five on the clay Batman shooting!" exclaimed Harley.

"Of course it is, Harley girl," said Joker, looking smug as he blew the smoke off his gun. "There's nothing I'm better at than shooting things."

"I can think of one thing!" giggled Harley, her eyes shining. "Maybe when you're done with the clay Batman shooting, you can show your Harley baby the other thing you're best at," she purred, cuddling against him.

"Pull," snapped Joker.

"What, right now?" asked Harley, looking surprised. "Ok, if you say so, Mr. J," she said, shrugging and reaching down toward his pants.

"The clay Batmans, you idiot!" snapped Joker, shoving her roughly away. "Honestly, Harley, I'm not going to encourage your obsession with sex! You need to learn some personal discipline and self-restraint."

"Yeah, ok, but…I'd rather my big, strong puddin' disciplined and restrained me – it's no fun doing it by myself," said Harley, frowning.

Joker sighed heavily. "What have I ever done to be stuck with a greedy nymphomaniac?" he muttered. "Just my irresistible, masculine allure, I suppose. Same thing that keeps the Bat coming back for more. Pull!" he shouted, aiming his gun again. Harley launched another clay Batman into the air, which was just as swiftly obliterated.

Harley picked up the phone again, balancing it on her shoulder as she waited for Joker's command to throw another clay Batman. "So what's on your mind, Red?"

"I'm heading to Brazil in the next few days to sabotage a mining operation, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me," said Ivy. "The operation is pretty big, so there will be a lot of it to destroy, and I wouldn't say no to the help. I'm also hoping to see a rare flower bloom which has glowing petals. Should be a pretty spectacular sight."

"Aw, I'd love to, Red!" exclaimed Harley. "Lemme just check with Mr. J. Mr. J!" she called.

"What?" asked Joker, reloading his gun.

"Can I go to Brazil with Red in the next few days? She wants help destroying a mining facility, and it sounds like a lotta fun."

"We got anything on the calendar for the next few days?" asked Joker.

"Lemme see," said Harley, heading into the kitchen and glancing at their custom _Twelve Months of Batman Deaths_ calendar (This month was Death by Chocolate, where Batman was encased in a giant candy bar, in an unsubtle parallel of Han Solo being frozen in carbonite).

"You got a heist planned at the jewelry store, but you can handle that by yourself, can't ya, puddin'?" asked Harley.

"Heck, I can skip that," retorted Joker, shrugging. "If something more fun's come up. Tell Pammie we'd love to come."

"Uh…I think the invitation was just for me, Mr. J," said Harley, slowly. "You know you and Red…don't really…get along."

"We hate each other's guts," said Joker, nodding. "Which is why bringing me along is going to be hysterical. Tell her it's both or none of us."

Harley sighed heavily. "Red? Can Mr. J come too?"

"Absolutely not," retorted Ivy. "Under no circumstances."

"Well…he said if he can't come, I can't come," said Harley.

"Tell him to go screw himself then!" retorted Ivy. "You can't let that creep tell you what you can and can't do, like you're some kinda prisoner of his! You're a strong, independent woman with your own mind, not some pathetic submissive to his will."

"Uh…I think I'm the second one, actually," said Harley, slowly. "You sure you couldn't let Mr. J come along?"

"No, Harley!" snapped Ivy. "Honestly, just break free of him for once in your life, and do something without his permission!"

"But…but then he'll be mad at me, Red," said Harley. "And then I'll be upset that I've upset him. You wouldn't want me to be upset, would you, Red?"

"Oh, for God's sake!" snapped Ivy. "Fine, Harley, just stay at home with that abusive jerk! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! Unlike you, I'm strong and independent and can do whatever I want whenever I want! You should try it sometime!"

"But Red…" began Harley, but Ivy had already slammed the phone down, seething in rage.

"Pathetic," she muttered, storming into her room to pack. "Just pathetic. She's like a dog on the Joker's leash, and I hate dogs!"

She gathered up a variety of plant-based weapons and toxins. "That should be enough to take care of the facility," she said. "On my own, without anyone's help…"

But the more reasonable part of her brain nagged her, insisting that it would be better to have backup, just in case. After all, she didn't want to travel all that way just to be dragged back to Arkham, and miss her once-in-a-lifetime chance to see the Star Flower bloom. But with Harley being uncooperative, she didn't know who else to ask. (Catwoman was still mad at her after a drunken game of Never Have I Ever, where Ivy had admitted to her that she had kissed Batman multiple times, and wouldn't object to doing it again).

A thought suddenly occurred to her, and after much consideration, and with much trepidation, Ivy at last picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Harvey."

"Pam," said Two-Face, surprised and pleased. "Nice to hear from you. How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Harvey. Um…this is kinda unusual for me to ask, I know, but…would you be interested in joining me on a trip to Brazil?"

Two-Face was stunned. "You mean…as a couple?"

"No," said Ivy, hastily. "I mean as…fellow supervillains. I want to destroy a new mining facility there, and I could use some help."

"Bruce Wayne's mining facility?" asked Two-Face. "The one that just opened?"

"That's the one," said Ivy. "So…what do you say? You wanna come?"

Two-Face was silent. "I'm…very flattered that you thought of me, Pam, but…Bruce is my friend. I'm not going to go out of my way to destroy his interests, or cause him any trouble. I hope you understand."

"Oh, I understand," said Ivy, annoyed. "I understand that you rate your friendship with Bruce over our history together. I understand that you care more about him than you do about me, just like a man. Bros before hoes, isn't that it?"

"Pam, it's not a competition," said Two-Face. "I care about both of you a lot, and because of that, I don't want to take sides. But it really means a lot that you asked me…"

"Flip the coin, Harvey," snapped Ivy.

"I…I can't, Pam," said Two-Face, slowly. "I can't designate either you or Bruce as the good side or the bad side. So I'm not flipping it. I'm just staying out of it."

Two-Face's apathy, on top of Harley's submissiveness, was too much for Ivy to bear. "You're a coward, Harvey!" she shouted, suddenly furious. "A pathetic, spineless coward! Fine, you stay outta it! I thought you were better than that! I thought you still loved me, despite everything! But I can see now that that was just a buncha crap so I'd stay involved with you! You were just lying and saying anything just to get what you want, just like men always do!"

"Pam, that's not true…" began Two-Face.

"Fine, I don't need you!" she shouted. "I don't need anyone! I can do this on my own, as usual! God knows I can't depend upon any of my friends to be there for me in my time of need! But that's what I get for making friends with humans, I guess! They're all lying, weak, pathetic sacks of meat!"

"Pammie…" began Two-Face again, but the phone clicked off. Two-Face sighed heavily, putting it down and pulling out his coin. He flipped it into the air and caught it. It landed good side up.

"I dunno what that means," he muttered, closing his fist around it and shoving it into his pocket again. "Does it mean I help the woman I love to hurt my friend? Or help my friend by hurting the woman I love?"

He headed slowly down the hall toward his room, and glanced in the mirror. "What kinda man are you, anyway?" he muttered to himself. "She's right – you _are_ a coward. That's why you need the coin. Because you're not man enough to make your own decisions, to live up to your own mistakes. You're not man enough to choose a side, so you let fate choose for you. Pathetic. But then Harvey Dent was always pathetic. Spoiled, rich little lawyer's boy, who never wanted to actually make a difference in this city, who just wanted the fame and adoration that came along with talking the talk and walking the walk. And look where that got you," he growled, glaring at his reflection. "Now the world sees you for what you truly are, just some two-faced monstrosity. And she sees you for what you are too. Just some lying, cheating coward!"

He smashed his fist through the glass suddenly, shattering his reflection into a hundred pieces. He kept smashing the mirror, cutting his hands and shredding his skin on the glass. He finally fell to his knees on the ground, sobbing, blood and tears trickling through his fingers, as the shards of broken glass surrounded him, reflecting his divided face.


	2. Chapter 2

About a week later, Bruce Wayne was in the middle of a boring conference call with some potential overseas investors. It was nighttime, and most of the building was empty, and Bruce himself was eager to be gone – he had plans tonight. There were rumors about a shipment of drugs being smuggled in through the dockyards, Falcone's ring, probably. Batman would have to put a stop to it, and see if he couldn't get one of the men to talk. If he left any of them conscious enough for that, of course…

"Mr. Wayne? What do you have to say about that?" asked one of the callers, startling Bruce back from his musings.

"Uh…I think…we'll have to discuss it further," invented Bruce. "But I'm sorry - I have a very important meeting to get to now. Please make an appointment with my secretary and we'll resume this another time. Thank you for your interest in Wayne Enterprises, and goodbye."

He clicked off the phone, leaning back and taking a deep breath. He had recently resolved to take a more active role in Wayne Enterprises, not that he didn't trust Lucius Fox to hold down the fort. But Bruce had been wondering if Batman was really doing enough to give back to the people of Gotham City, when Bruce Wayne also had the ability to do so much good with his power and wealth and influence. So he began coming in as regularly as he could to the office, and trying to learn all he could about managing a company.

It was hard work, a lot harder than being Batman, in his opinion. And he knew he wasn't suited to the life of CEO personality-wise – he was a man of action, not a man who enjoyed glad-handing investors and colleagues, and navigating the muddy waters of the world of business. He was used to deception and intrigue because of his life as Batman, but board rooms and business meetings were a whole other ballpark, one he didn't think he would ever get the hang of, especially if he couldn't concentrate on it. But the minutiae of stocks and finances bored him – he would have preferred to analyze a crime scene any day. And he would have much preferred to be out fighting, trading blows and feeling the adrenaline pumping. He couldn't concentrate without that adrenaline, that rush. And stockholders meetings just didn't give him that – nothing really exciting ever happened in the world of business.

He suddenly heard a loud thud outside the door to his office. "Dana?" he called. "Are you all right?"

He heard a muffled female voice, and then the door to his office was kicked open by two armed henchmen, one of them holding Bruce's struggling secretary.

"Who are you?" demanded Bruce, feeling his body tensing into Batman mode. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you, Bruce," said a familiar voice, as Two-Face walked through the door. "And I'm sorry for the violence, but your secretary threatened to call the cops on us," he said, nodding at her.

"You could have just called me if you wanted to talk, Harvey," retorted Bruce. "Would have saved you causing a scene."

"It's kinda a delicate subject – I wanted to speak to you face-to-face," said Two-Face. "Or…I guess face-to-face-to-face. Let her go," he said to the henchmen, nodding at the secretary. "And get out."

The henchmen obeyed, heading outside. "Mr. Wayne, I'll call the police…" exclaimed Dana, reaching for the phone.

"No, it's ok," said Bruce, intercepting her. "I'll handle it. You can go home, Dana."

"But…but he's a dangerous criminal, Mr. Wayne," stammered Dana, gazing at him in disbelief.

"No," said Bruce, looking at Two-Face. "He's my friend."

Dana stared from one to the other of them and then slowly left the room. "Have a seat, Harvey," said Bruce, gesturing to a chair.

Two-Face reached for his coin and flipped it. "Actually, I prefer to stand," he said, as the coin landed bad side up.

Bruce said nothing, taking a seat himself. "So what is this delicate subject that required you to break in here and risk getting the police's attention?" he asked. "Must be something important."

"It is," said Two-Face. "Uh…I know you recently opened a mining facility in Brazil. How's it…uh…doing?"

Bruce was surprised by the question. "Fine," he replied.

"It hasn't…been attacked by anyone yet, huh?" pressed Two-Face. "And you haven't…caught anyone attempting to attack it?"

"No," said Bruce, slowly. "Why?"

Two-Face sighed heavily. "I knew it. Something must have happened to her – she never would have left it alone otherwise."

"Harvey, what are you talking about?" asked Bruce.

"Pammie…uh…Poison Ivy," said Two-Face. "She…called me about a week ago to ask me to join her in sabotaging your mining operation. I told her I wouldn't hurt my friend like that, and she got angry. Said she could handle it herself, and that's the last I heard from her. I'm not expecting her to keep in touch or anything, she's not the type who wants a man to check up on her, but when the news didn't report that the facility had been attacked, I knew something must have gone wrong. I thought maybe she'd been captured by your guys, that you might know where she is, but clearly you don't. But something must have prevented her from carrying out her task – Pammie's not the kinda girl to just give up when she puts her mind to something. Especially when it involves her plants. She's gotta be in trouble – it's the only explanation."

Two-Face was clearly worried – Bruce could see it in his eyes. And he kept flipping his coin obsessively, like a reflex. Bruce reached for his phone. "I'll see if anyone at the facility has seen her," he said, dialing a number. "Maybe she was scared off or something."

Two-Face laughed grimly. "Nothing can scare off Pammie," he muttered. "She'd risk anything for her plants. She's such a strong woman, so determined…"

Bruce looked at him. "You're still in love with her, aren't you?" he asked, quietly.

"I don't know," murmured Two-Face. "At least, I didn't know, but when I think that she could be hurt somewhere, that I could never see her again, that I might have lost her forever…" He trailed off. "Then yeah, I know," he whispered.

" _Boa noite_ ," said a voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hi, this is Bruce Wayne," said Bruce. "I was wondering if we'd spotted any strangers around the facility? Or if you've caught any sort of intruder?"

"Intruder? No, _Senhor_ Wayne, all is secure here. We have seen no one we do not recognize around."

"Thanks," said Bruce, hanging up the phone. "I'm sorry, Harvey, no one's seen her," he said, turning to his friend.

"All right, thanks for checking," said Two-Face, heading for the door.

"What are you going to do now?" asked Bruce.

"I'm gonna head there myself," he said. "Find out what happened to her, and save her if she's in trouble."

"Do you want some help?" asked Bruce.

Two-Face turned back to him. "Are you saying you wanna come with me?" he asked.

"It might be easier for you to gain access to my facility with me around," said Bruce, shrugging. "And I'm not so bad with…detective work myself. Maybe together we can figure out what happened to her."

And that way Batman could see that she didn't cause any trouble once found, of course, thought Bruce to himself.

"Well, I…wouldn't mind the company," admitted Two-Face, smiling at him. "And we'll have plenty of time to catch up on the flight, which will be nice."

"I'll call my private jet," said Bruce, reaching for the phone again. "Pack your things and meet at the airport in an hour." That would give Batman enough time to bust the drug shipment, he thought.

"Great," said Two-Face, beaming. "I'll tell the others."

"Others?" repeated Bruce, puzzled. "Who?"

"Oh, Harley Quinn's a real close friend of Pammie's, and she's also been really concerned," said Two-Face, nodding. "Pammie hasn't contacted her either, which is more unusual, so Harley made me promise to let her know what I found out from you. She also insisted on coming to Brazil with me if it was a dead end here. Plus her boyfriend too, of course."

"Her boyfriend…the Joker?" asked Bruce, slowly.

"She's never had any other boyfriend," retorted Two-Face. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"Sharing a flight and then being trapped in a jungle with the Joker," said Bruce. He forced a smile. "Now why would that be a problem?"

"Great," repeated Two-Face, who didn't detect the sarcasm. "I'll swing by and pick 'em up, and meet you at the airport. See you soon."

Bruce stared after him. "Well, I wanted a break from the humdrum of the boardroom," he sighed. "And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get it."


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure this is wise, sir?" asked Alfred, as he loaded Bruce's luggage onto his private jet. "If you run into trouble at the facility, you risk exposing your secret identity to your villainous comrades."

"I don't really have a choice," retorted Bruce. "If Ivy's still alive, she's not going to rest until she carries out her plan. I can't risk her harming innocent people, or destroying thousands of jobs like that. And if something has happened to her, I want to be on hand to make sure Harley or Harvey don't do something rash to avenge her. They're both fairly unstable individuals, and very fond of Ivy, God knows why."

"Miss Quinn's tastes have been objectively regarded as universally questionable," said Alfred, nodding. "But I am surprised about Mr. Dent being so attached to a woman who tried to kill him."

"He's insane, Alfred," retorted Bruce. "And as we know from Harley's tragic case, insane love is often the strongest. Harvey's in the same situation. Either that or he thinks that no normal woman will ever love him because of his deformity, so he's clinging to a woman who is also considered…abnormal."

"Or perhaps his coin has made the decision to be in love with her for him," said Alfred, dryly.

"I don't think it's something he can just flip away, unfortunately," said Bruce. "Still, it's unusual to see Harvey committed. I remember when we were young together heading out with a different woman every night…"

He trailed off. Alfred lay a hand on his arm. "I know it's difficult to see what your old friend has become, sir," he said, gently. "But I beg you, don't let your guard down. Two-Face is a dangerous man, even if Mr. Dent is still in there somewhere. There's no telling what he'd do if he found out who you really are."

"Don't worry, Alfred," said Bruce. "Believe me, if there's one thing I'm going to do with the Joker around, it's be careful. Though constantly resisting the urge to punch him will be a problem, I suspect."

"Wow! Talk about your luxury! So how many years did you have to work your ass off to afford this piece, Brucie?" chuckled a familiar voice. "Or was it bought for you courtesy of Mommy and Daddy's murderer?"

Bruce forced a smile as he turned to see the Joker climbing out of Two-Face's car, closely followed by Harley Quinn. "Hello, Joker," he growled. "Good to see you again."

"Yeah, how long has it been?" asked Joker, grinning. "There was that charity ball of yours I attacked a few months ago."

"Yes, you tried to throw my date off a building," said Bruce.

"Yeah, I remember," said Joker, nodding. "Bit of a porker she was too – hard to lift. I woulda been doing you a favor – handsome, rich guy like you can do a lot better than a fat chick. I dunno why you were going out with someone like her in the first place. She must have been willing to do some weird stuff in the sack or something, that's the only explanation…"

"Harvey, let Alfred help with the luggage," interrupted Bruce, cutting Joker off as Two-Face began to unpack the trunk of the car.

"Thanks, Alfred, you're a treasure," said Two-Face. "Bruce would never be able to get along without you."

"I'm well aware of that, sir," replied Alfred, picking up one of the suitcases. He blanched visibly as he struggled to lift it. "Good Lord, sir, what's in here?" he asked. "A ton of bricks?"

"Yep," said Joker, nodding. "Never know when you're gonna need a ton of bricks, especially in foreign parts. Should be useful for all sorts of comedy."

"Oh, and be careful with that one too," said Harley Quinn, pointing at another suitcase. "Mr. J ran outta room in his, so packed his acid in mine. Plus a couple pounds of C-4."

"Could we…not bring high explosives on my private plane?" asked Bruce, slowly.

"Oh, here we go," sighed Joker, rolling his eyes. "The rich, upper-class elite telling us regular folks what we can and can't do. Don't bring explosives on my private plane. Don't demand equal pay for equal work. Don't form unions and strike for basic rights. You're always picking on the little guy!"

"It's disgraceful, puddin'," agreed Harley, nodding. "But the natural result of uncontrolled and heartless capitalism, a society built solely on the acquisition of wealth and profit, while crushing and exploiting the soul and spirit of the common man."

"Joker, I don't think Bruce asking you not to bring explosives on his plane is being particularly unreasonable or oppressive," retorted Two-Face. "Anyway, I don't think anyone would ever describe you as the common man, or the little guy."

"Well, my girlfriend certainly wouldn't, if you know what I mean!" chuckled Joker, grinning. "Aw, I'm just messing with ya, Brucie!" he said, draping an arm around Bruce. "Gotta keep our spirits up in times like these. Not that I'm particularly upset the Weed Lady is missing – if you ask me, she's been asking for something bad to happen to her for a long time."

"I still think if you hadn't been so silly about both or neither of us going, she might not be missing," said Harley.

"Or you might be missing along with her," retorted Joker. "And then who would have done my packing for me? You don't have any consideration for my feelings, do you, you heartless brat?"

"Aw, puddin', I'm sorry," said Harley, instantly apologetic. "You're right, that was really selfish of me to have wanted to go without you."

"And you can blame Pammie for being so obstinate in not letting me tag along," he continued. "Whatever has happened to her is really her own fault. I have been nothing but the soul of kindness to her over the years, but her irrational hatred of men drives her in wanting to stay as far away from me as possible."

"Yeah, imagine someone not wanting you around," said Bruce, sarcastically.

"I know, it's crazy," said Harley, nodding.

"We're all loaded up," said Two-Face, as Alfred shut the luggage compartment.

"Welcome aboard, everyone," said Bruce, gesturing to the stairs. "Please make yourselves at home. But not too at home," he added, looking pointedly at Joker.

"Aw, that's a shame," said Joker, climbing the stairs. "I was gonna slip off my suit and snack in my underwear."

"You could still do that, puddin'," said Harley, eagerly. "I wouldn't object."

"Don't let him get to you," said Two-Face, following Bruce on board the plane. "Once he thinks he can rile you, he'll never stop. If you just ignore him and don't bite, he gets bored and finds other people to pick on. That's what Batman never gets, but he's not the brightest bulb in the shed."

"No, I guess not," muttered Bruce, glancing at Alfred.

"Good luck, sir," said Alfred, waving as Bruce shut the door to the aircraft.

"We're clear for takeoff, Mr. Wayne," said the pilot.

"Good. Let's go," said Bruce. "Everyone sit down and buckle up, please."

"What, that's it?" asked Joker, as the plane began to taxi. "No safety video, no demonstration of what do in case of an emergency? What if I wanna inflate my life vest in the cabin, or attend to Harley's oxygen mask first?"

"I assume you've all flown before," retorted Bruce. "Besides, if I don't tell you what to do in case of an emergency, it's less likely you'll cause one."

"Do we get complimentary snacks and drinks on Wayne Wings?" asked Joker, raising his hand.

"After takeoff, yes," retorted Bruce. "But we don't want food and drink rolling around the cabin until we're airborne and level."

"You don't serve fish, do you?" asked Harley, raising her hand too. "I don't wanna be trapped in a small space with fish, or I'm gonna be sick all over the plane."

"Uh…no, no fish, but the bathroom's just there if you start to feel airsick," said Bruce, nodding at a door.

"Is it fitted with a smoke detector?" asked Joker. "Because I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm gonna tamper with it if so, fines be damned. It's inhuman to force people onto long flights without allowing them to smoke – it shows absolutely no consideration for people's addictions. Or is Wayne Wings a smoking flight?"

"I'm sure Bruce won't mind if we smoke," said Two-Face.

"No, just…don't ignite anything," said Bruce, slowly. "And again, once we're airborne, which shouldn't be too long," he said, as the plane began to speed up along the runway. The engine roared, and everyone was thrown back in their seats. Bruce suddenly heard something drop onto the floor and roll down to the back of the plane.

"Aw, hang on, those are mine," said Joker, standing up suddenly and bending down to pick up what appeared to be a bunch of marbles which had fallen out of his pocket. "Can't let these little babies collide with anything – they explode upon impact."

Bruce unbuckled and instantly leapt to his feet, racing down the aisle to catch the remainder of the marbles. "What did I say about explosives on my plane?" he demanded.

"And what did I say about you telling me what to do?" demanded Joker. "I ain't one of your wage slaves, rich boy!"

"On my plane, you'll obey my rules!" shouted Bruce. "I don't want this to be the last flight I take in it!"

"Well, somebody's a control freak," sighed Joker, shaking his head. "You and the Bat would get along…"

The plane launched into the air suddenly, sending Joker crashing down the aisle to collide with Bruce. "See, that's what happens when you don't listen to me when I tell you to sit down and buckle up!" snapped Bruce, trying to shove him away.

"You ain't buckled up either!" snapped Joker, trying to pull himself up, which was impossible with the amount of gravity pushing them back against each other. "Sorry to disappoint you, Brucie, but I don't like being this intimate with any guy except for the Bat! Flattered but spoken for, y'know!" chuckled Joker.

"I'm really sure…Batman doesn't feel…the same way about you!" shouted Bruce. The plane leveled at that moment, and Bruce's push sent Joker hurtling forward to the front of the cabin, slamming his face against the door to the cockpit.

"Puddin'!" shrieked Harley, leaping to her feet and racing over to him. Joker shook her off, turning to Bruce with hatred in his eyes as he cupped his bleeding nose.

"Two things," he said, holding up two fingers. "One, don't presume you know my nemesis better than I do. Two, don't you ever make me bleed again. Only one guy gets away with wounding me and living to tell about it, and it ain't you, rich boy, capiche?"

"Yes," growled Bruce, taking his seat again. "Now let's all just calm down with a few drinks. I know I need a double," he muttered, opening up the liquor cabinet and pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Harvey, same for you, I assume?"

Two-Face flipped his coin. "Yes, please, Bruce," he said, as it landed good side up.

"Joker? Harley? Whiskey?" asked Bruce.

"None for the kid – she's not allowed alcohol anymore," said Joker, patting Harley's head. "But I'll have one."

"Aw man, I'm _still_ not allowed alcohol, Mr. J?" asked Harley, frowning.

"No, not after last time," he replied. "It's not good for you, pooh. Gives you crazy ideas, and you're a bit of an angry drunk, y'know. Not that I'd object to a little drunken punch-up normally, but if things get outta hand on the plane, we might make Harvey or Brucie uncomfortable. And I'm sure Mr. Control Freak would object to that on his private plane. Have some peanuts instead," he said, tossing a bag at her.

"What happened last time?" asked Two-Face.

"She threw up on Batman," chuckled Joker. "All over his little Bat boots, and Bat cape, and Bat suit. I mean, it was hilarious at the time, but it happened in our hideout, and what didn't go on the Bat went on the carpet. The smell never quite left it – we had to move hideouts in the end."

"And I'm sure Batman had to get an all new costume," muttered Bruce. He had – the dry cleaning hadn't been enough to completely eradicate the smell. Or maybe he just couldn't feel clean again in it no matter what.

"At least he'll be leaving us alone since we're leaving Gotham," said Two-Face. "I doubt even the Bat is crazy enough to follow us all the way to Brazil."

"I wouldn't underestimate his craziness, Harvey!" chuckled Joker. "And I'm gonna miss him, I won't deny it. You can always depend upon him, when things look bad, or you're in a tight spot, to swing to the rescue. We're on our own in Brazil. And of course I have a massive amount of faith in my own abilities, but it's always nice knowing in the back of your mind that Batsy is out there to save the day if things really go wrong. After all, I'm sure Pammie had a massive amount of faith in her own abilities too, and look what happened to her."

"We don't know what happened to her, Mr. J," snapped Harley. "Don't assume the worst!"

"On the contrary, Harley girl, I'm assuming the best!" chuckled Joker. "From my perspective, anyway. If that pushy weed is cut down in her prime, it'll be nothing but a blessing. You can go find another best friend who doesn't hate my guts, and Harvey can go find a woman who actually cares about him, rather than one who just keeps him around on the side…"

"Pammie does care about me," snapped Two-Face. "She's just…not particularly demonstrative in her affection for…things that aren't plants."

"Yeah, that must be it!" chuckled Joker. "I can't see her going all the way to Brazil to rescue you if you went missing though. Can you?"

Two-Face said nothing, glaring at Joker and downing his whiskey. "Don't let him get to you, remember?" murmured Bruce.

"Easier said than done," retorted Two-Face.

"Yes. I'm sure Batman thinks so too," sighed Bruce.


	4. Chapter 4

"Oooh, baby, if this is the life of the rich and famous, I could get used to it!" sighed Joker. "I mean, I've said some harsh things about you, Brucie, but I take almost all of 'em back, because this is genius!"

"It's just a seat massager," said Bruce, slowly. "Lots of airlines have them in first class…"

"Aw, there you go, reminding us of your privilege again!" snapped Joker, opening his eyes to glare at him. "Not everyone is used to flying first class all the time, y'know!"

"You always fly first class," pointed out Two-Face.

"Yeah, but I don't go rubbing it in people's faces!" snapped Joker, shutting his eyes again.

"Puddin', I don't think those peanuts were very good," said Harley, rubbing her stomach. "I'm feeling a little sick."

"Bathroom's just there," repeated Bruce hastily, desperate not to clean up another of Harley's messes on his property.

"Alcohol, peanuts, fish, there's always something making you sick, ain't there?" snapped Joker. "Useless waste of space – I dunno why I keep you around."

"Aw, yes, you do, puddin'," said Harley, cuddling against him. "Because you love me. And because I do things for you that no one else would do, like the Batman roleplay…"

"Ok, the guys don't need to hear about that," interrupted Joker, hastily. "Anyway, I don't want you throwing up on me, so get away from me and into the bathroom," he snapped, shoving her away. "I'm gonna check out this private TV," he said, reaching for the remote and flipping on the television. "Look, there's all these movies and channels and you can pause and everything! Talk about your luxury!"

Bruce decided not to mention that screens like that were readily available on most flights these days. Instead he took a seat next to Two-Face, who was smoking a cigar in one hand and flipping his coin obsessively in the other. He smiled at Bruce.

"This is supposed to make you relax," he muttered, nodding at the cigar. "That's the trade off you get for lung cancer. Doesn't seem to be working though."

"Maybe distract yourself with a little TV?" asked Bruce, gesturing to the screen. Though he could see that was impossible with the speed and rapidity with which Joker flipped through the channels. "Or…concentrate on trying to block out Harley's vomiting noises?" he asked, as they heard Harley coughing in the bathroom.

"Or maybe talk to a friend," said Two-Face, nodding at him. "How are you doing these days?"

"Me? I'm fine," said Bruce. "I'm always…fine. You're the one I worry about. A wanted criminal with mental and physical disorders…"

"Well, that describes most people in Gotham," interrupted Two-Face, with a grin.

"I guess it does," agreed Bruce. "Still, I…wish you'd consider coming back to…our side. To try and clean up Gotham instead of trying to destroy it, like you used to…"

"Yeah, I used to believe in a lot of lost causes," interrupted Two-Face. "Not anymore. Now I believe in the coin. Saves me a lotta disappointment."

"And this thing with Ivy isn't a lost cause?" asked Bruce.

"Look, I'd appreciate if the playboy billionaire wouldn't lecture me on relationships," snapped Two-Face. "At least I'm committed."

"Yeah," agreed Bruce, nodding. "But commitment can be misguided if it's to the wrong thing. Look at Harley," he said, nodding at Harley as she emerged from the bathroom and attempted to curl up on Joker's lap. Joker instantly shoved her onto the ground, which unsettled Harley's stomach again as she raced to the bathroom.

"Harley's happy enough," muttered Two-Face. "So I envy her that at least. I…don't really know what that feels like."

"What?" asked Bruce.

"Being…happy," said Two-Face, slowly. "I used to, I'm sure, but…it's been a while since I felt anything like happiness."

Bruce nodded slowly. "Tell me about it, Harv," he murmured.

"And Ivy and me…we're not perfect," he continued. "But when I'm around her, I remember what it feels like to be happy. So that's something. It's not much…but it's something."

"Yeah. I think it's a lot, actually," said Bruce, thinking about his own life and wondering when the last time he felt happy was. He felt satisfied when he did a good job as Batman, bringing criminals to justice, but that wasn't the same thing as happiness. He glanced over at the Joker, chuckling to himself over some cartoon as he lit up a cigarette, and wondered why a monster like that could be constantly happy while he, the hero of Gotham, couldn't even remember what it felt like.

He was startled out of these depressing musings by a sudden explosion, which rocked the whole hull of the aircraft. "God dammit, Joker, I said don't ignite anything!" Bruce roared, leaping to his feet. "What have you done now?!"

"Nothing!" snapped Joker. "I've just been sitting here watching cartoons…"

A second explosion went off, this one coming from the cockpit, and the plane suddenly began to plummet, veering down toward the ground. Bruce made his way toward the door and slammed against it – it flew open to reveal the cockpit in flames, the windscreen completely blown out, and the pilot dead at the controls.

Bruce shoved him out of the way, trying to right the plane, but the controls were damaged by the fire and virtually useless. He headed back to the cabin with great difficulty, to see that Joker and Two-Face had managed to prise open the cabin door.

"See, this is why you shoulda given us the safety briefing!" shouted Joker, reaching for a parachute. "Told you it was important!"

"There are only three!" shouted Two-Face, nodding at the remaining two parachutes.

"Sucks to be one of you, then!" chuckled Joker, leaping out the door.

"Puddin', wait!" shrieked Harley, about to jump after him. Bruce caught her.

"Harvey, go!" he shouted. "I'll take her!"

Two-Face nodded, grabbing a parachute and leaping out of the plane. "Hold on!" shouted Bruce, grabbing Harley around the waist and strapping the parachute to his back. He took a deep breath and then dived out, just before the plane collided with the jungle canopy. It exploded, sending debris and flame into the air, which Bruce tried to shield Harley from as they landed on the jungle floor.

"Hands off, pal!" snapped Harley, shoving him away. "Don't think I don't know your game! Rescue me so we're all alone in the jungle because you think you can seduce me without my puddin' around! Well, think again, jerk! I ain't that kinda girl!"

"I rescued you because your boyfriend jumped without you," growled Bruce, getting slowly to his feet and releasing the parachute. "And if you had dived after him, you would have killed both of you. Not that I'm not going to kill him anyway after he blew up my plane…"

"Hey, if Mr. J said he didn't do it, he didn't do it!" snapped Harley. "My puddin's more than happy to take credit for his jokes, so if he's denying this is one of his, he's telling the truth!"

"I don't see any other explanation for my plane suddenly exploding, do you?" demanded Bruce.

"Gee, I dunno," said Harley, rolling her eyes. "Why doncha go check the debris for clues instead of just making wild accusations? Geez, even the Bat's smart enough to do that!"

Bruce growled, but he couldn't argue with her logic. "Come on," he said, heading off into the jungle.

The crash site wasn't hard to find – the smoking ruins were visible a mile off. The surrounding jungle had been completely decimated by its impact, and when Bruce and Harley emerged from the undergrowth, they found Two-Face and the Joker already there.

"Puddin'!" cried Harley, racing over to him and leaping into his arms. "I'm so glad you're all right!"

Then she slapped him hard. "And that's for jumping without me!" she snapped. "What if Brucie hadn't been able to save me, huh?"

"Oh, I figured one of 'em would have given up their parachute for you," said Joker, shrugging. "They're the kinda sucker guys who believe in women and children first, and all that crap. Y'know, guys without a good sense of self-preservation, or a belief in gender equality. Personally, I was hoping if anyone had to die, it would have been Brucie."

"Thanks," snapped Bruce, sarcastically. "If that's what I get for saving your girlfriend, next time I won't."

"Good," said Joker, nodding. "She don't deserve saving if she can't do it herself, that's my motto. That's how I teach her to be all strong and self-reliant," he said, patting her on the head.

"Right," sighed Bruce. "Any clue about what happened, Harvey?" he asked, turning to Two-Face.

"Well, J's not lying - he didn't do it," said Two-Face.

"See?" said Joker, sticking out his tongue. "Told you I was innocent!"

"I never doubted you for a second, puddin'," purred Harley.

"We were hit by something," continued Two-Face, pointing at a bit of the hull. "See? The metal's been blown in, not out."

"So what, some kinda missile?" asked Bruce.

"That's my guess," said Two-Face. "Although I can't imagine who would want you dead, Bruce. But this was clearly targeted at you – nobody knew we were on your plane except everyone here, plus Alfred. And I doubt he told anyone."

"No," agreed Bruce. He sighed. "Well, Ivy goes to destroy my facility, and goes missing. I come to inspect my facility, and get missiles fired at me. It's almost as if someone wants to keep me and anyone else away from the site."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" asked Two-Face, puzzled.

"I don't know," murmured Bruce. "But I am going to find out."


	5. Chapter 5

"Are we there yet?" asked Joker, for about the thousandth time.

"You were saying something about ignoring him?" muttered Bruce to Two-Face.

"Still trying," retorted Two-Face.

"C'mon, Mr. J, I'm sure it's not much farther," said Harley. "I don't think…"

"You don't know!" interrupted Joker. "Nobody knows where we are in this jungle, or how far it is to Brucie's facility! Brucie's fancy GPS technology phone doesn't work in this hellhole!"

"It's not the phone – it's the fact that no satellites are in orbit over this location to reach us," retorted Bruce. "In an ideal world, I could call someone at my company to move a WayneTech satellite into range, but obviously if I don't have GPS, I don't have phone signal."

"How many WayneTech satellites do you have?" asked Two-Face. "And what do you do with them?"

"Look, if this is the lawyer in you coming out, Harvey, I assure you, WayneTech's satellite monitoring is all perfectly legal…" began Bruce.

"Why, because you say it is?" asked Joker. "I can spy on the whole world to keep 'em in line because I'm rich, is that your philosophy?"

He frowned. "Hang on…spying on the whole world…to keep 'em in line…that's a familiar attitude in Gotham," he said, looking at Bruce suspiciously. "A certain Bat-person shares it with you. You don't have one of these satellites poised over Gotham, do you?"

"…yes," said Bruce, slowly, fearing for a second that Joker was making a connection between him and Batman.

Joker snapped his fingers. "I knew it!" he exclaimed. "That's how he does it! That's how Batsy always knows where we are at any given time! I see it all now! It's so simple and obvious, I can't believe I didn't see it before!"

"What?" asked Two-Face.

"Batman hacks Brucie's satellite!" exclaimed Joker. "You really need to review your security, pal – your technology is supporting a bullying vigilante's self-appointed crusade against free citizens minding their own business. If you want the name of Wayne to be associated with violent thugs, that's up to you, but personally I think it's bad PR."

"Well…thank you for your opinion, Joker," said Bruce, repressing a sigh of relief. "Now come on."

"No, I'm sick of walking," said Joker, folding his arms across his chest.

"Stay here, then!" snapped Bruce. "And if you get attacked by a jaguar, that's your own damn fault!"

"We can't leave puddin'!" snapped Harley.

"Yeah, someone needs to carry me!" said Joker. "Harvey, how about a piggyback?"

"No," retorted Two-Face.

"Brucie?" asked Joker.

"Absolutely not," retorted Bruce.

Harley sighed. "I'll do it," she said, squatting down. "There you go, Mr. J, climb on."

"You can't seriously expect your girlfriend to give you a piggyback ride through a jungle…" began Bruce, but he was saved the trouble of finishing the sentence as Joker climbed onto Harley's back.

"Now vroom, Harley," he ordered, revving one of the points on her hat and pointing, as she headed off.

"She's stronger than she looks," commented Two-Face.

"Must be from all that having to drag herself back up after he repeatedly knocks her down," muttered Bruce.

"Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," agreed Two-Face.

Bruce said nothing, but he silently wondered if that was why the Joker never seemed to die. Maybe Batman had hurt him so frequently that Joker had just become invincible.

They walked on for some time, Harley impressively keeping pace with them, until Bruce said, "I think we need to check directions again."

"Oh, for God's sake, Brucie!" exclaimed Harley. "I thought you said we just needed to follow the sun and we'd eventually find a way out!"

"I still think that," retorted Bruce. "But it doesn't hurt to check that we're still following the sun – it's hard to tell in this dense foliage."

"It doesn't hurt _you_ – you don't have to climb a tree after carrying your boyfriend for miles!" snapped Harley.

"I'm perfectly happy to climb a tree, but I thought we agreed the first time that you're a gymnast, and lighter…" began Bruce.

"So because of that, I have to haul my ass up a trunk, is that what you're saying?" demanded Harley. "You know what that is, Brucie? That's discrimination against those of us with a slim build who keep fit!"

"Ok, I'll do it…" began Bruce.

"Oh no, you don't!" interrupted Harley, shoving him away. "Typical man, doing things for a gal because he thinks she's incapable. Red was right – guys are creeps!"

She began scaling the tree trunk, climbing out at last at the top of the canopy. She shielded her eyes against the sun as she gazed out at the seemingly endless jungle. "I hate to break it to Brucie, but I don't think we're getting outta here anytime soon," she muttered. "Which is bad news for my back."

She sighed, ducking down underneath the canopy again. "Well, at least we haven't run into any trouble so far, or any unpleasant little critters you can find in a jungle…"

She froze as she realized what she had just been about to put her foot on. "Like…gi…giant spiders," she stammered, creeping slowly away from the huge, hairy thing on the branch, which was devouring a bird whole. She reached back for another branch, but shrieked when the branch, which was actually a snake, hissed at her, rising up and baring its fangs. She lost her grip on the tree and plummeted toward the ground, screaming.

Both Bruce and Two-Face were poised to catch her (Joker didn't even look up from his game of solitaire) when suddenly a large plant vine shot out, catching Harley around the waist in midair and lowering her gently to the ground.

"Uh…gee…thanks," stammered Harley at the vine, which rubbed itself against her tenderly.

"It's a plant, Harley," retorted Joker. "You don't thank inanimate objects for things, so why would you thank a weed?"

The vine instantly started up, wrapping itself around Joker's throat and squeezing like a python. "No, no, no, let him go!" cried Harley, trying to prise it off him. "Geez, with the whole saving my life while trying to end puddin's, you kinda remind me of…"

An idea struck her. "Red?" she asked. "Are you…communicating through this thing somehow?"

The vine released Joker reluctantly, and came back over to Harley, curling up around her. "I'll take that as a yes," said Harley. "Aw, Red it's so good to…well, not see you, but know you're alive. Thanks for not killing Mr. J. We came to rescue you – where are you?"

The vine wrapped itself gently around her waist and began to tug her forward.

"Harley! Come back here! I'm still not walking, and I need my ride!" called Joker. The vine paused, and then turned back, wrapping itself around Joker's throat again and dragging him forward.

"Don't squeeze him too hard, Red," begged Harley.

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" asked Bruce, slowly. "Following a strange plant that just tried to kill the Joker deep into a jungle?"

"That's how you can tell it's from Ivy," retorted Two-Face. "She just tried what we all want to do. And I trust her. I mean, she might be leading J into danger, but she wouldn't do that to Harley. And it's better than just mindlessly wandering on our own."

"That depends on where it takes us," muttered Bruce.

They walked for about half an hour until they came to a clearing with a large, concrete building in it, some kind of underground bunker. The vine released them, pointing toward the building.

"Red's in there?" asked Harley.

It pointed again, and then slithered off. "Hang on!" hissed Bruce, grabbing Harley as she was about to walk into the clearing. "We don't know who could be inside there!"

"The plant said Red…" began Harley.

"But what if she's a prisoner of someone?" asked Bruce.

"Bruce is right - it's not like Ivy to hide herself out in a man-made structure," said Two-Face. "She'd be more comfortable out in the jungle. I think she's being held against her will, which is why she had to send the vine rather than coming to meet us herself."

"But who would want to hold her prisoner?" asked Harley, puzzled. "And who would have the ability, or the means? Red's more than capable of taking care of herself, especially with her plants to help her."

"I don't know, but I got a feeling it's the same person who shot us down," said Bruce, nodding at the anti-aircraft missile launcher on the roof of the bunker.

Joker glanced hastily around, and then crept toward the bunker. "Mr. J, no!" hissed Harley. "Come back!"

He ignored her, scaling the ladder which led to the missile launcher and examining it carefully. Then he hurried back to their hiding place. "Ok, we know who it is," he muttered. "We just don't know why he would want to capture Ivy. As for the killing you part, no offense, Brucie, but I totally get that."

"What are you talking about?" asked Two-Face. "Who's behind this?"

Joker held up a tiny screw he had taken from the gun. "Have a look," he said, tossing it at him.

Bruce caught it, and with a sinking heart read the words stamped into the head: _Property of LexCorp._


	6. Chapter 6

"Lex? We've just got back from the crash site. No other body except the pilot's," said Mercy Graves, opening the door to Luthor's room in the bunker. "Wayne must still be out there somewhere."

"That's fine, Mercy," said Luthor. "This jungle's a deadzone stretching for miles – the incompetent playboy won't have a shot in hell of surviving in it for long. I can't tell whether I'm more amused by the thought of him being eaten by a tiger, or just gradually starving to death and being consumed by the jungle. Maybe some archaeologists will come across him one day thousands of years from now and dig him up to put him on display. He'd like that, the preening, self-indulgent twit."

"So you don't want me to send people out to look for him?" asked Mercy. "If he does manage to survive and tells people he was shot down, there might be an investigation…"

"Don't worry, Mercy, I've got it all taken care of," interrupted Luthor, standing up. "On that note, I'm just going to check on the prisoner."

"Whatever you say, Lex," muttered Mercy, as she headed off down the hall. "But personally I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Luthor headed down the opposite hall and a set of stairs, arriving at last in front of a small cell. Seated in the cell was Poison Ivy, who glared up at him.

"Don't look at me like that, Ivy," he said. "It's nothing personal, just business."

"Same old Lex," retorted Ivy. "Everything for you has always been just business. I can't believe I used to date you."

"I don't think you were ever under any sort of illusion as to the type of man I am," retorted Luthor. "I make no secret of it. I'm a businessman, and I'm concerned with protecting my business interests, at any price. When I started my presidential campaign, I broke up with you because it was bad for my business to be associated romantically with a supercriminal."

"Even if you hadn't, I doubt we would have lasted," replied Ivy. "Greedy industrialist and passionate environmental activist – it could never really have worked long-term."

"No," agreed Luthor. "But it was fun while it lasted. And because of our history together, I'm just holding you here, when I could have just killed you instead."

"Why?" asked Ivy. "You and Bruce Wayne are rivals. If I had destroyed his facility, it could only have benefited you."

"Not really," said Luthor. "If you had destroyed Wayne's facility, the fallout from this government and ours because of the damage and loss of life that you caused would ensure that no one would ever get permission to mine this land again."

"That's kinda the idea," agreed Ivy, nodding.

"But you see, I want to mine this land," continued Luthor. "Wayne and I were rivals on the bidding rights for it. He only won because he assured the local government that he would abide by their ridiculous labor and environmental regulations. I told them I could have cut the cost of labor by thirty percent from just hiring illegal workers and ignoring certain standards of practice – I would have generated a much bigger profit for all involved. But they liked Wayne's sanctimonious promises more than my money. Their loss, of course," he added, shrugging. "But if you think I'm about to lose to that pathetic pretty boy, you don't know Lex Luthor at all. I want Wayne's facility to fail, but I want it to fail in a way that makes Wayne look like the incompetent one. When the government is shown that his by-the-rules methods can't even manage to turn a simple profit, they'll revoke his right to the land and hand it over to someone more competent, and business savvy."

"Such as yourself?" asked Ivy.

"Precisely," said Luthor, nodding.

"So how exactly are you going to make sure Wayne's facility fails?" asked Ivy.

"Simple. I've already planted some of my own workers in the facility to sabotage basic operations and machinery. They'll break them faster than Wayne's workers can fix them. It will all seem like unfortunate little accidents, honest mistakes, but will lead to huge problems. Which will lead to me taking over. I've been monitoring their progress for weeks from this building when you showed up. I couldn't let you march in and ruin everything. Which is why I had the men who found you threaten to set fire to your plants unless you came with them quietly. I must say, you made a valiant effort at resistance with that mind-control lipstick, but not even you could kiss every guy there."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lex," snapped Ivy. "But whether you or Wayne run that facility, it won't prevent me from attacking it. I'm not going to let either of you destroy that ecosystem with your greed."

"You're really not going to have much say in the matter," replied Luthor.

"If you're going to kill me, get on with it," snapped Ivy. "But I don't think you've got the guts to do your own dirty work like that."

"I'm not going to kill you," said Luthor, shaking his head. "I admire you, Ivy. I always have. Our views may be radically different, but I think we share the same dedication in implementing them, in trying to change the world for the better, from our own perspectives. I respect that in people."

"Not the Justice League," retorted Ivy.

"Well, how many of them are actually people?" asked Luthor, shrugging. "I resent freaks and aliens with superpowers deciding what's best for the human race. I don't believe in autocracy. I believe in democracy. That's why I'm running for president."

"You're running for president so _you_ can be the one in charge of things, Lex, not because you believe in or care about people," snapped Ivy. "Stop believing your own soundbites. You're not some benevolent, charitable man of the people. You're a greedy, power-hungry narcissist who will do whatever he has to do to get his way."

"Another thing we share in common then," said Luthor, nodding. "Anyway, I don't have to debate with my prisoner, since your opinion is completely irrelevant to me. I just wanted you to know that what I'm going to do to you is nothing personal. It's business, that's all."

"Not gonna do the traditional supervillain thing by telling me what it is in order to gloat, huh?" asked Ivy, casually.

Luthor shrugged again. "I suppose there's no harm in you knowing. I've just shot down Bruce Wayne's private plane. I assume he was coming here to check up on the facility or something, but sadly he won't be reaching his destination, or anywhere else ever again, for that matter. An unexpected but delightful bonus in my plan for taking over - with Wayne dead, and Wayne Enterprises without a self-righteous leader, their organization will crumble, and I'll be able to take over the facility much quicker, maybe even Wayne Enterprises itself. When Wayne is eventually reported missing, there will be an investigation, and do you know what they'll find?"

He held up a vial. "Plant toxins and pheromones, all pointing to one Poison Ivy. It'll be simplicity itself to convince people that a noted eco-terrorist such as yourself was more than happy to kill billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne as revenge for all the plants his company has bulldozed over the years. And do you know who will spare no expense to catch noted eco-terrorist Poison Ivy? Why, presidential candidate Lex Luthor, of course. After a few months of 'searching,' I'll say I've found you, and hand you over to the proper authorities. You'll be taken back to Arkham, as usual, and I'll have the gratitude of a grateful public, and Wayne's colleagues, who will insist on repaying me in any way they can. I'll ask for Wayne's mining facility, and they will naturally grant it to me in their former employer's memory. Everyone wins."

"You think I won't tell everyone you're really behind it?" asked Ivy. "You think I won't tell them I was framed by you?"

"Oh, but that's the best part," said Luthor, smiling. "You can tell people whatever you want. Nobody is going to believe you. Nobody ever believes the words of a lunatic. And anything you do say against me, I can use in my favor to boost my election campaign and public reputation. After all, anyone a noted terrorist would slander must be an upstanding guy, wouldn't you say? Hell, if I can get a few quotes from you and the Joker about how much you loathe me, I'll be putting them on my posters. Vote for the guy criminal lunatics hate. There's no more ringing endorsement for my campaign than that."

"I can't believe you'd set me up like this," hissed Ivy. "You're really moving up toward the top of my 'most loathsome ex-boyfriends' list, and trust me, that's a competitive list."

"I would think that reflects more on you than it does on me, Ivy," retorted Luthor. "Why do you choose men who ultimately stab you in the back? You certainly knew my character when we started dating, but that didn't deter you. Maybe you should examine why you choose men who don't commit, or who, in your own words, are 'greedy, power-hungry narcissists.' In my experience, people often reap what they sow, and get what they deserve. Something to think about while you remain locked up in here," he said, turning away and striding off.

"Yeah, thanks for that," muttered Ivy, rolling her eyes. She sighed, holding her head in her hands. As much as she was annoyed by Luthor's treatment and plan, the thing that bothered her most at the moment was that she was going to miss the blooming of the Star Flower if she didn't get out of here soon. She had communicated with her plants from the moment she had been locked down here, but they had been unable to reach her – no root could penetrate into a building designed to be safe from nuclear blasts.

She had been sitting despairingly in her cell when she had suddenly felt a huge burst of pain, as if she had been hit with flaming shards of glass, slicing their way underneath her skin and burning her. When the pain finally died away, her plants began whispering to her about a machine that had fallen out of the sky into the jungle, ripping apart and incinerating the foliage. Ivy's fury had gradually changed to relieved surprise when the plants told her about the human survivors - strangers who looked like clowns, and a man with half a face…

She had asked her plants to bring them to her, and hoped that Luthor wouldn't be expecting a rescue party. She certainly hadn't been. Both Harley and Two-Face had refused to help her initially, but they had to have come all this way for some reason. She could only conclude that reason was her.

And despite her situation, and what Luthor had said, Ivy felt her heart warming at that.


	7. Chapter 7

"Ok, we need a plan," said Bruce. "Luthor is no joke…"

"Oh, sure he is," interrupted Joker. "Everyone's a joke, everyone and everything! Lexy and I go way back – he's nothing."

"He's a billionaire tycoon with almost unlimited money and power," retorted Bruce. "And he's insane."

Joker rolled his eyes. "Please. Lexy's not insane – he's the most common of all common criminals. Greed and ambition are very normal and very boring motives for evil. You want insane, you need some hysterical overreaction to some perceived injustice, like Batsy, or someone who just commits crimes because they're fun, like yours truly. Lexy's completely understandable – he's a crooked businessman. Those are a dime a dozen."

"I'm with Bruce – I don't exactly want to charge in there and confront Luthor," said Two-Face. "Especially since he was clearly trying to kill Bruce. If he finds out he's alive, there's nothing stopping him from trying again."

"Yeah, you're right," agreed Joker, nodding. "I'm certainly not going to stop him."

"I wonder if that can't work to our advantage," said Bruce thoughtfully, ignoring Joker. "After all, Luthor doesn't know that I know he's the one who shot me down. If he's examined the crash site, he knows I'm alive. What if I wandered in there looking for some help?"

"You mean use yourself as bait to distract Luthor while the rest of us take out the muscle and search for Ivy?" asked Two-Face.

"I like this plan," said Joker, beaming.

"I don't," snapped Two-Face. "You just said yourself, Bruce, Luthor's a dangerous lunatic…"

"And I just contradicted the lunatic part," interrupted Joker.

"Ok, Luthor's a dangerous…person," snapped Two-Face. "It's the dangerous aspect I'm concerned about – I don't wanna see you killed, Bruce. And nothing is stopping Luthor from finishing the job if you march into the lion's den alone."

"I know Luthor," retorted Bruce. "He's a man who likes a deal, and a profit. If I make myself more valuable to him alive than dead, he won't kill me."

"How are you going to do that?" asked Two-Face.

"Luthor is here because he wants my facility," replied Bruce. "That's the only explanation. He lost the bid on this land to me and now he's trying to take it through underhanded means. If I offer him the facility without making him go through all the trouble of scheming and backstabbing, with my full cooperation and blessing, he'll have no need to kill me."

"I dunno – from my experience, Lexy enjoys his scheming and backstabbing," said Joker, shaking his head. "It might be more fun to kill you than make a deal with you."

"From your perspective, but you're not Luthor," snapped Bruce. "He doesn't do things for fun. He does things for profit. And getting my facility for nothing is a great bargain for him. I think he'll take the bait."

"And if he doesn't and tries to kill you?" asked Two-Face.

"I can take of myself, Harvey," replied Bruce. "Don't worry."

"I'm sure that's what Ivy thought too," retorted Two-Face.

"Look, Luthor isn't the type to pull a gun on me the instant I walk through the door," said Bruce. "He'll be his usual charming self even if he intends to kill me. All I need to do is make him put that part off as long as possible, and buy you guys time."

"True, Lexy does have that annoying supervillain habit of chatting a guy's ear off before he kills them," said Joker, nodding.

"What, and you don't?" asked Two-Face.

"No, for your information, I spend my time making sure my victim's last moments are hilarious and entertaining," retorted Joker. "That's completely different."

"Bruce, I don't like this plan," said Two-Face.

"Yeah, why don't we all just march in there together and demand Luthor releases Red?" asked Harley. "I ain't scared of him, and neither is puddin'."

"We don't know how many people Luthor has in there with him," retorted Bruce. "We could be hugely outnumbered. At least my way you'll have the element of surprise in order to get the jump on them and take a few of them out."

He didn't state the other reason, which was if Bruce had to fight, he probably wouldn't be able to avoid launching into Batman mode, and one of his enemies might recognize the familiar fighting style. It was best that he stayed out of the fray as much as possible, though if Luthor proved difficult, he would have no choice.

"Bruce…" began Two-Face again.

"Oh, yada, yada, yada, I'm bored of talking!" interrupted Joker. "We can go back and forth all day over 'you don't think this,' 'he thinks that,' crap, but I'm a man of action myself. So here," he said, reaching into Two-Face's jacket pocket and grabbing his coin. "There, flipping this, lands bad side up, which is Bruce's plan, so let's just go along with it! Get in there!" he snapped, shoving Bruce forward.

Bruce glared at him, but headed off toward the bunker. "Bruce!" hissed Two-Face. Bruce glanced back. "Be careful," murmured Two-Face.

"Jesus, Harvey, why doncha just marry Bruce?" demanded Joker.

"Really? You're criticizing me for caring about a guy?" demanded Two-Face. "You of all people?"

"Hey, I don't tell Batsy to be careful when he flies off into the night!" snapped Joker. "I trust him to be able to take care of himself out there! Anyway, he knows I worry, so he's careful anyway."

Bruce resisted the urge to respond to that, and just nodded at Two-Face. "Don't worry, Harvey," he said. "I'll be fine."

He walked toward the bunker, and then rapped sharply on the door. It was opened a moment later by Mercy Graves. "Oh…Mr. Wayne," she stammered. "What a…surprise."

"Oh…hello, Mercy," said Bruce, feigning surprise himself. "Geez, you were the last person I was expecting to see out here! I imagine you feel the same for me!" he laughed.

"Um…yes," said Mercy. "Mr. Luthor and I are just here on some…business."

"So am I," agreed Bruce. "But my private plane was shot down by someone and I found myself stranded in the jungle. Lucky I happened to find you," he said, smiling.

"Uh…yeah," said Mercy, wondering if Bruce was really dumb enough not to figure out that the giant gun on top of the bunker was the one which had shot him down. She guessed the idiotic playboy rumors were true. "Let me just…take you to see Mr. Luthor," she said slowly.

"Great, thanks," said Bruce. "I'm sure glad I stumbled across you. Don't know what would have happened to me out in that jungle alone. Here, let me get that for you," he said, catching the door as Mercy held it open for him. "Attractive woman shouldn't be holding the door open for me!" he laughed.

Mercy rolled her eyes. "Yes, obviously as Mr. Luthor's PA and bodyguard, I'm not capable of holding open a door. Sexist idiot," she hissed under her breath, as Bruce turned to shut the door…which was caught by Two-Face. Bruce followed Mercy off down the hall while Two-Face, Joker, and Harley snuck inside.

"All right, nice and quiet," hissed Two-Face. "Don't let anyone know we're here until the last possible moment. Take out people with knives, not guns."

"I ain't got a knife," whispered Harley.

"Hammer is fine, but quietly," retorted Two-Face.

"Have you ever tried to quietly bludgeon someone to death?" asked Harley. "It ain't easy!"

"I'm sure your boyfriend has an extra knife!" snapped Two-Face.

"Sorry, Harl, I don't," said Joker, shaking his head. "I only grabbed the essentials during the plane crash, and that was only one knife."

"You have two – let me have one," whispered Harley, nodding at Two-Face.

"No, I need two," he retorted.

"Why?" asked Harley.

"Because I like twos!" he snapped. "And I can't function without twos, all right?"

"Both of you, shut up!" hissed Joker. "I wanna kill some people before they start trying to kill me first, and I won't have the surprise attack ruined by the bipolar freak and the dumb blonde!"

They both glared at him, but silenced. Joker led the way into the bunker. "Because if anyone's gonna ruin the surprise, it's gonna be me," he whispered, grinning.


	8. Chapter 8

"Bruce! What an unexpected…pleasure," said Luthor slowly, standing up as Bruce entered his office.

"Hi, Lex, fancy seeing you here!" said Bruce, smiling at him. "I was just telling Mercy how lucky it was that I found you – I could have died out there on my own!"

"Yes, how…unfortunate that would have been," said Luthor, forcing a smile. "Well, sit down and have a drink."

"Thanks," said Bruce, as Luthor poured him a glass of whiskey. "So what brings you out to this wasteland? Mercy says you're here on business."

"Yes," said Luthor.

"What kind of business could you have out here?" asked Bruce.

"Um…personal business," invented Luthor. "An…old girlfriend of mine was seen around here."

"Ah, women problems," said Bruce, nodding. "I hear you on that, buddy, believe me. Seems an odd place for your ex to hide out though."

"Well, she's…an unusual woman," said Luthor. "Likes to be out…among nature. I'm just trying to find her before she hurts herself or someone else. She's a little…unhinged."

"Oh. Ok. Well, when you've got that handled, you should stop by and see my facility," said Bruce. "You remember, the one I outbid you on? It's just opened."

"Oh yes, I remember," said Luthor, his smile becoming even more forced. "Well, thank you for the offer, Bruce. I'd love to see the facility. And while I'm taking the tour, maybe we could discuss making a deal over it."

"What kind of deal?" asked Bruce, trying to look confused.

"Well, think about it," said Luthor, pouring a drink for himself. "You're out here all alone, stranded in the wilderness, and the only one who can help you is me. And naturally I'd be happy to do that…for the right price, of course."

"Lex…are you trying to blackmail me?" asked Bruce, hoping he looked surprised.

"Blackmail is such an ugly word," said Luthor, sighing. "I'm trying to propose an exchange. My services for your facility."

"And if I refuse?" asked Bruce.

"Well, we'll just leave you where we found you, stranded here," said Luthor, shrugging. "And hopefully you'll be able to find your way out of the jungle before you starve to death, but I wouldn't bet on it."

"Lex…you wouldn't seriously do that to me, would you?" asked Bruce. "I thought we were friends."

"I don't have friends, Bruce – I have either colleagues or competitors. You chose to be the latter, and so I have no choice but to crush you as I do everyone who challenges me," replied Luthor, calmly. "Nothing personal, I assure you. It's just business."

Bruce nodded. "I'm really sorry to hear you say that, Lex," he said. "But actually, not as sorry as I might be. You see, I brought some business associates of my own with me."

"Oh yes? And where are they?" asked Luthor.

"Hey, pal, what's gray and red all over?" shouted a familiar voice. "This wall with your brains splattered onto it!"

They suddenly heard shouting and firing coming from elsewhere in the bunker. "I think that's them now," said Bruce.

"J, I thought we were trying to be stealthy!" shouted Two-Face.

"Ain't my style, Harv!" shouted back Joker.

"Joker? Two-Face?" said Luthor, shocked. He stared at Bruce. "But…how do you…"

"Ow! Mr. J, watch where you're shooting! These bullet ricochet in here, you know!"

"Harley!" hissed Luthor, making the connection suddenly. "Of course, she's come to rescue her friend!" He glared at Bruce. "I don't know how you're mixed up in all of this, but I'm warning you, you picked the wrong group of people to throw your lot in with."

"Well, with friends like you, Lex, who needs enemies like them?" asked Bruce, shrugging.

Luthor slammed down a button on his desk. "Mercy, are you handling this?"

"Doing my best, Lex!" shouted back Mercy.

"Oooh, is that Lexy? Let me talk to him!" chuckled Joker, grabbing the radio from her. "Lexy, old kid! How's tricks?"

"Joker, stop this rampage right now!" shouted Luthor.

"Nah, sorry, you can't stop a rampage right in the middle – it just isn't done," said Joker. "Tell you what – I'll maybe not carve a smile onto your little henchwench here if you do a little favor for me."

"Which is?" asked Luthor.

"Kill Brucie," said Joker. "Seriously, that guy grates on my nerves like you wouldn't believe."

"Well, now you know how I feel about you," snapped Luthor.

"Wow, comparing me to Brucie is kinda below the belt, Lex," said Joker, sounding hurt.

"Joker, just stick to the plan!" snapped Bruce. "Find Ivy and let's get out of here! We don't need to hurt anybody else!"

"What did I say about telling me what to do, rich boy?!" shouted Joker. "I don't take orders from you! And you won't stop me having my fun! Lexy, please, a bullet to the brain, for old time's sake, huh?"

"Joker! Joker!" shouted Luthor, but there was nothing but radio silence. "How stupid are you for bringing him into this?!" shouted Luthor, glaring up at Bruce. "And thinking you can control him?!"

"It was either that or walk straight into the clutches of the man who tried to kill me!" shouted Bruce. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the guy with the gun on his roof is the one who shot me down, you know!"

"For future reference, Bruce, when it comes to the Joker, I'm always the lesser of two evils!" yelled Luthor. "Yes, I might have tried to kill you, but at least I didn't do it just for fun! That's all he ever kills for, and it's really hard to stop him having fun once he gets started, believe me! But we have to try."

He reached into a drawer and threw a pistol at him, taking one for himself. "Here," he said. "Point the open end at the person you want to shoot, and pull the trigger."

"I know how a gun works, Lex," snapped Bruce.

"Could have fooled me," retorted Luthor, throwing open the door to his office and heading out into the fray.

"I just choose not to use them," muttered Bruce, dropping his gun and then following Luthor.

Meanwhile, Harley had knocked out Mercy with a swift hammer blow to the skull, and was now running down the corridor as Joker and Two-Face handled the guards. "Red?" she called. "Red, where are you?"

"Down here, Harley!" called back a voice. Harley rushed down the stairs to Ivy's cell.

"Red!" she exclaimed, beaming when she saw her. "I'm so glad you're safe! I'll have you outta here in a jiffy!" she said, smashing her hammer against the lock.

"Harley, I can't believe you're here!" exclaimed Ivy, beaming at her. "Are you crazy?"

"Yep, certified!" agreed Harley, smashing the lock open. "There ya go!"

Ivy raced into her arms, hugging her tightly. "I just can't believe you came all this way for me!" she whispered.

"That's right, ladies, kiss and make up!" chuckled a familiar voice, and Ivy's grateful face fell into a look of annoyance.

"I also can't believe you brought the clown!" she snapped.

"Well, I wasn't gonna travel without him," said Harley, shrugging. "And a good thing too – he's taken out most of the guards."

"Actually, I'd say it's about fifty-fifty," growled Two-Face.

"Harvey," said Ivy, staring at him. "Why…why did you come all this way to rescue me?"

Two-Face shrugged. "When I didn't hear anything about the attack on the news…I was worried that something had happened to you."

"It was actually his idea to come out here, Red," said Harley. "And he got his friend Bruce Wayne to fly us out on a private plane, which Luthor shot down like the jerk he is. I mean, normally I'm not the kinda girl who badmouths other girls' exes, but since you're always badmouthing my boyfriend, I think it's only fair. That Luthor's a creep."

"Geez, Harley, don't hold back, tell her how you really feel," said Joker, sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "The 'c' word is such a strong word."

"Well, how would you describe Lex?" snapped Harley.

"Me? The actual 'c' word," retorted Joker. "That's right, it's not a word I use casually, but it's appropriate for Lex, I think – curmudgeon."

Ivy ignored him, staring at Two-Face. "Is that true?" she asked. "You got Bruce Wayne to fly you out here? You attacked this place single-handedly…for me?"

"Well, not single-handedly – there was J and Harley to help," said Two-Face. "But yeah, of course I flew out here for you. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I…care about you."

"Aw, c'mon, Harv, just man up and say the 'l' word!" snapped Joker.

"Hey, you never say the 'l' word!" retorted Harley.

"Sure I do!" he said. "Just not in relation to you. And you should be happy about that too – 'loathe' is also such a strong word."

"You don't have to say anything, Harvey," said Ivy, smiling at him. "I know what you mean."

"Well, gee, Red, whenever I say that about Mr. J, you call him a commitment-phobe who's afraid of his own feelings," said Harley.

"Hey, I am not!" snapped Joker. "I think you'll find I'm the most committed guy around! And I'm not afraid of anything!"

"I'm glad to hear that, Joker," growled a voice behind him. "Maybe you'll die laughing then."

They turned to see Luthor aiming a gun at them with Bruce standing reluctantly beside him. "This rampage ends now," snapped Luthor.

"Well, yeah, it does," said Joker, nodding. "Your guys are all dead, so there's not much point really."

"Oh," said Luthor, looking around. "Ok, so here's how this is going to go," he said, grabbing Bruce and holding his gun to his head. "I'm getting out of here, and I'm taking Bruce with me, and if anyone tries anything funny, I'll blow his brains out."

"Empty threats, Lex," snapped Joker. "You'd be doing me a favor killing Brucie."

"Yes, but I know one person here would regret it," said Luthor, nodding at Two-Face. "For some reason, your friendship with this pathetic excuse for the idle rich is still very important to you. A comforting touchstone to your old life, perhaps. And one that will be removed forever if you don't obey me. So just stay back," he said, pressing the gun into Bruce's temple.

"Lex, let him go," said Two-Face, sternly. "He's not like us – he's not used to being threatened, or fighting, or dealing with supercriminals. He's an innocent, decent man, and he shouldn't be dragged into our world."

"He should have thought about that before he dragged you to me!" snapped Luthor. "Anyway, innocent is just another word for stupid, and I have no time for stupidity. The world will thank me for getting rid of one less idiot."

"Bruce isn't an idiot," snapped Two-Face. "He's…what I hope I could have been…if I hadn't had my accident. Someone who tries, whatever the cost. Someone who tries to be good."

Luthor snorted. "And you say he's not an idiot. In this world, someone who tries to be good whatever the cost is my definition of that. I'm sorry to end your little bromance, Harvey, but Bruce knows too much. Bet he wishes he'd stayed innocent now," he added with a grin.

"Not really," said Bruce. "Hanging out with bad guys, you learn a few tricks."

He suddenly slammed his elbow back into Luthor's solar-plexus, bringing his leg up to collide with his groin. Luthor dropped the gun with a gasp, and then dived toward it the instant he recovered his breath. He was beaten to it by Poison Ivy, who punched him hard across the face. "And once more for good measure," she snapped, kneeing him in the groin again. Another punch knocked him unconscious, and Ivy dusted her hands off. "Harley's right – he is a creep."

"I think the only question is what do we do with him?" asked Two-Face. "Personally I wouldn't feel bad about killing him – it seems fair after he tried to kill Bruce."

"I wouldn't want anyone to die for me, Harvey," replied Bruce. "Not even Luthor."

"Yeah, and where would be the fun in killing Lexy?" asked Joker. "Especially when he's just starting his presidential campaign and all – just think of all the potential for comedy that has! Don't wanna ruin that joke before it begins. You know, come to think of it, that might be a good gag for a lotta reasons. I might consider it myself…"

"Fine, we won't kill him," snapped Ivy. "But he's not getting away with what he did to me without some form of punishment."

They emerged out of the bunker and into the jungle. Various plants and flowers instantly descended on them, clinging affectionately to Ivy. "Don't worry, babies, I'm all right," she said, petting them. One of the vines disappeared and then returned with a handful of seeds. Ivy took them, and blew them into the bunker. "Seal it up," she said, nodding at the plants.

A thick wall of foliage wrapped itself tightly around the bunker, making sure nobody could get in or out. "What were those seeds?" asked Harley.

"Just a rare, indigenous plant species," said Ivy. "It grows fast on any surface, and produces spores which are highly irritating to human skin, causing intense rashes and itching. A few days locked in there with it, and I think Lex will have learned his lesson about annoying me. Though of course when you send the rescue party for him is up to you, Mr. Wayne."

"Yeah, give it a few days," agreed Bruce. He cleared his throat. "Look, Miss Ivy, seeing as I helped rescue you and all, I would really appreciate if you didn't destroy my mining facility. I can assure you, I am trying to minimize our environmental impact as much as possible. We don't have to be enemies on this."

"So that's why you helped Harvey find me," snapped Ivy, glaring at him. "You were trying to make a deal all along."

"No," replied Bruce. "I helped Harvey because he's my friend. And if your safety is important to him, it's important to me."

Ivy nodded slowly. "Then…as a favor to Harvey…and to you, I'll leave the facility alone, Mr. Wayne. For now," she added. "But if it starts to cause radical damage to the environment, I'm warning you, I will be back."

"That seems fair," said Bruce, nodding. "Well, if that's all, we'd better radio for some way out of this jungle…"

"Hold that thought," interrupted Ivy, glaring at the setting sun. "We need to get moving now, or we'll miss it."

"Miss what?" asked Two-Face.

"No time to explain – just follow me," said Ivy, hurrying off into the jungle.


	9. Chapter 9

"This is just a scam to lure the men in the group into an inescapable deathtrap, isn't it?" asked Joker. "Then you can go take out Brucie's facility and head off into the sunset with Harley free from my influence."

"God, you are so paranoid!" snapped Ivy. "Trust me, J, if I was going to kill you, there's no way I'd deprive myself of accomplishing that pleasure personally, not leave you trapped in some cave."

"So why are we going into a cave?" demanded Joker. "Batsy doesn't live here, and I can't think of any other reason why we'd want to go into a cave."

"This leads to the heart of the mountain," explained Ivy, as they entered the cave mouth and walked down the tunnel. "We need to get to the heart of the mountain before the moon rises."

"Why?" asked Two-Face.

"You'll see," retorted Ivy.

"I'm still pretty sure it's a deathtrap," said Joker.

"Don't worry, Mr. J – if it is, I'll rescue you," said Harley.

"Yeah, suddenly I'm filled with confidence, Harl," sighed Joker.

"All right then, I won't rescue you, you ungrateful creep!" snapped Harley. "I'll just you leave here to rot!"

"Hey, don't you start calling me the 'c' word!" snapped Joker.

"Both of you, shut up!" snapped Ivy. "I don't want this moment ruined. It involves a very special plant, and it only comes around once in a century."

"Geez, Pammie, is your sex life really that bad?" chuckled Joker. "Ow!" he shouted, as a plant vine struck him across the back of the head.

"Thank you, baby," said Ivy, brushing aside a curtain of foliage to reveal a giant cavern. In the center of the cavern, a beam of outside light penetrated down from the sky and through the rock, illuminating a small plant pod, golden in color.

As they watched, the plant began to respond to the moonlight, quivering slightly, and then twitching, and at last, slowly and carefully, opening up its petals. The cavern was instantly lit up as the flower began to glow bright as the sun, droplets of pure, golden light shining out from its center and dancing against the cave walls.

"It's so beautiful," whispered Ivy, tears in her eyes.

"It sure is," agreed Harley. "What is it?"

"The Star Flower," said Ivy. "It only blooms once every hundred years. And I got to see it. Thanks to my friends," she added, squeezing Harley's hand.

Ivy glanced over at Two-Face, and then slowly held out her other hand. He took it gently. "Thanks to both my friends," she murmured. "I'm…sorry for what I said on the phone, Harvey. You're not a coward. You're…the best man I ever dated. Although considering the competition is Luthor, that's not saying a lot," she added with a wry smile.

"It's saying enough," replied Two-Face, smiling at her. She smiled back, and then turned her attention back to the shimmering flower. Her hand slowly slid out of Two-Face's, curling around his shoulder as she gently leaned her head against his chest. He stole his arm around her waist and felt her cuddling against him, and smiled.

"Ain't it romantic, Mr. J?" sighed Harley, trying to curl her own arms around him.

"Yeah, doesn't mean you have to paw me, does it?" he snapped, shoving her away. "Geez, women! Any excuse to sink their claws into you! Well, I don't have to tell you, do I, Brucie?" he sighed, nodding at Bruce.

"What do you mean by that?" demanded Bruce.

"Just…that you got a lotta women trying to sink their claws into you, because you're rich and all," said Joker, looking puzzled. "Why? What did you think I meant?"

"Uh…nothing," retorted Bruce.

Joker shook his head. "Y'know, Harley, I honestly think the rich are more nuts than I am," he muttered, reluctantly letting Harley embrace him.

Bruce let out a sigh of relief – he had thought for a moment that Joker was making a thinly veiled reference to Batman's relationship with Catwoman. But then he remembered that both Batman and Bruce Wayne had dated Catwoman, so even if he was referring to that, it didn't mean Joker had figured out his secret identity. Although it was confusing enough to keep track of sometimes.

Especially at times like these, he thought, when he was sharing a moment with the people he dedicated his life to fighting. At times like these, he almost wondered what the point of it all was. These people were humans, just like he was. They had feelings and emotions like normal people (except for the Joker, of course, but then nothing about him was normal). When he looked at Two-Face now, Bruce saw his friend Harvey Dent, genuinely happy for once in his life as he held the woman he loved. The woman who also loved plants with a bizarre passion, but who at the moment seemed as normal and happy as anyone else. At times like these, Bruce thought about dropping the mask, of just telling everyone his secret, and of just trying to understand his enemies, instead of fighting them.

And in an ideal world, he might have. But Bruce knew deep down that this moment, as strange and pleasant as it was, could never last. He knew he had to continue to fight these people, these troubled, broken people who inflicted their pain on other innocent people for whatever reason. He knew that their differing attitudes toward life and the law would forever make them his enemies, and he knew they were as determined as he was not to give up the fight. As soon as Ivy's plants led them out of the jungle, and as soon as they were back in Gotham, things would return to normal. Or as normal as Bruce's insane life ever was.

But for now, he watched the flower bloom. For now, he watched his enemies united in love and friendship. And for now, for some bizarre reason, Bruce felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. It felt something like happiness. Or maybe not happiness exactly, but a sense of peace. And for now, that was enough.

 **The End**


End file.
